A Compass of my Own

Caught this interesting flick today in wonderment. I found myself drawing a strange affinity to Mr Ice-Bear-King-whatshisname, mainly because any decent macho hot-blooded masculine guy would. In a quick twist of fate, the wounded , exiled and weaker Bear King actually hammers the perpetrator's jaws of and kills him. He regains his pride, but where shall he set off from there? He is King again. Fortunately the little Lyla holds a peculiar compass, to tell the truth which people wish to hide. The truth will be the right direction.

Apart from the fairytale- like rendering of gadgets, scenery and some top notch acting, the show actually touches our souls and asks : what if we had that compass ourselves, and could use it to find out what people intended to hide? I wouldn't have very much use for it. Because it is one thing to know, and quite another to act upon it.

Like Mr King Bear, I am both strong and weak.I have reached 80k Rev and shooting for 100k.I plan to keep it that way, every single month for 5 years.I will earn my 1 Million in 5 years and defeat the other Bear and claim my birthright to Wealth. And yes I would need direction but not the Golden Compass, because I do not need to know what others intend to hide:I can change that, whatever that is, I need only my strength in spirit to succeed.My strength my spirit it shall be my guide to the treacherous path ahead. No time to celebrate small successes now- I need to be on the road for 5 years.

A Warrior's Redemption

For a long period of time, or so it seems, the warrior in me was forced to recluse and was compelled to learn the dark arts of deception. I learnt to use illusion as a powerful sorcery
to reduce processes to simplicity. Yet, I was stifled by not being able to be at my best, at acquiring new achievements and scaling new mountains where hitherto unscathed by human prescence.

I am grateful that providence has given me a second chance. In this new lease of life in a new role, I am able to run at my original fury, and many many times over. I have the support of kind colleagues which I maintain a certain state of cautiousness( though gradually letting down my guard) and a certain pleasant reporting line and sensitve branch manager makes the whole picture beautiful.

There is little politics here, save the fiery temper of my cute little assistant service rm Claris, whom I have to handle with due care. We run our own targets and the sky is really the limit.
What we know that we can earn in a year is now compressed into what I view as achievable in a quarter, and possibly much more. I can feel my blood boiling again. I work deep into the night. The passion of climbing new mountains thrills my soul to the core.

The formula is simple: x number of calls = x number of appointments = x number of revenue.
If you want to make 100k this quarter, just break it down to the number of calls you have to make. I figured 25 a day. Tough? Hardly.We ARE in the high end selling business; but bottomline is , the tools are good. With an arsenal of weaponry, I can handle the combat with finesse and skill.

As we grow we forget our shells. We shed new skins everyday, and gaze at the days of old with nostalgia. But the smallness of the past supports the strength of our souls today. I think the happiness I pursue is clearer now. It is fighting the good fight. It is not giving up. It is having the mind of a fighter, thinking that nothing is impossible, that whatever height it is , it is just another mountain for us to scale. What one man can do, another man can!

[n. GAM-bit] A clever move or maneuver, especially one made in the early part of a game, is a gambit.

1. An opening in chess in which a minor piece, or pieces, usually a pawn, is offered in exchange for a favorable position.
2. A maneuver, stratagem, or ploy, especially one used at an initial stage.
3. A remark intended to open a conversation.

[Ultimately from Spanish gambito, from Italian gambetto, act of tripping someone up in wrestling, from gamba, leg, from Old Italian; see gambol.]

Usage Note: The noun still describes a chess opening in which a player sacrifices a pawn or other minor pieces to gain an attacking position. This is the story of today.

The Life and Perils of Flying High

As I write I am fighting daily to adapt to the high life that so many have sought to have. On the front it seems highly desirable, even the accomodation at the Grand Hyatt, is first class. What a way to travel and what a contrast it is from my backpacking days. A few sneak previews.

Oversized bed for me only.

My office table.

My Sofa and Bar.

Wardrobe and Safe.

So what you may ask, is the peril of flying high? After all, flying first class, frolicking in the best accomodation available, and tasting the best foods; is the human soul as incorrigible as to ask for more in life?

The fact is, affluence and nobility, for me, is an acquired taste. Adamantly , many of us are not born in such settings where conversation is street-smart and sophistication is a pre-requisite. Maybe at the core I am still an uncomplicated fella, learning how to swim in a sea of sharks.

In such an environment, there is no forgiveness to be sought. The recent dismissal of a fellow colleague, M , brought me into the rude shock that if you are not going to fly, your crew will drop you from the ship at 11,000 feet altitude. Whether you brought your parachutes with you is another thing. Working in such a tense situation is mind-wrecking. That is likened to a situation to be thrown overboard anytime you have lost your use.

Nevertheless, I am a warrior that has fought my way to this position. I am confident of my own skills , albiet lacklustre and lacking in the sophistication of the seniors, bottomline is, I have survived better and in worse scenarios than any of them. In my writing I hope to vindicate my own philosophy, hopefully to bring back some of my confidence.

I now realise that at 11,000 feet altitude, that flying high is an ugly game. No hi's and bye's and how are you's. It is Darwinian selection at its best. I do miss the family like cultures of the past, the human warmth. Part of the experience is to shed some light on the contrast of both the past and present.

Who are these people I see daily? I meet them, I greet them, yet I cannot see them. They are ghosts, because of their hopes and expectations, it seems they live on an entirely different parallel and dimension. Here and there when they awake, I have to take caution not to be stung by their arsenal of weapons.

So where is the Joy? Where is happyness? I cannot answer this question anytime soon. I would just have to bite the bullet and go. I may be thrown out anytime soon, 21st of August being my time for confirmation. If I have to go , I will blaze a trail so bright that when I come around, all will be in ashes. If I stay I will just have to evolve and take solace in the fact that at the very least, I still remain impressed by the integrity and style of my Boss.

Happyness, it remains elusive, and yes , you can't really buy it of the shelf.

Happyness

A much awaited rest day today. Brought Rocky who recently turned 1 yr old to the beach today.

Honestly, there are very few things that will measure against the joy of watching him play and enjoy himself, relishing the cooling breeze and chasing the leaves scrambling in the wind. I took a moment and sat down for a bit, looking at the sea, the calm before the impending storm.

Just a couple of weeks before, I was staring at the sea,on a Sunday night, with a cappucino in my hand and a bagful of doubts in my heart. It was the 4th interview, would I get it? Would I not? Do I want it? In retrospect, I definately WANTED to be where I am. It is involvement on a first hand basis. You actually matter in the entire establishment to build a network. The prestige. The mentor who was the real deal. It is now that I actually wake up to want to go to work, to be in the action. And one day, just one day before long, I will get my first deal.

I have time, now, to reflect and mend a few broken relationships with friends and all; as a result of my fiery temperament, impatience and bluntness. I am grateful to those that tolerated me and stood by me. However, in times like this, all is going well, but of course, the loneliness and solitude creeps in. I know I do not need anyone or burden myself at the moment, when I am in the game (in career) and working at full drive. However, the bittersweet yearning, for just a little, just a little reminder, of love, of affection, the rush of infactuation, will probably ease the monotony of purely just rushing and fighting for your life in career. All I need, is a little reminder...

To qoute Will Smith once again, from my fav movie ,this part, this little part of my life, may be called, Happyness.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Remember the Will Smith show? The person who came up with this phrase, Thomas Jefferson, how did he know that it is a pursuit? That happiness may be something so abstract and fleeting that we can never really have it, but what we can do is to only pursue it.

The Past

I have been very lucky and blessed to be able to write this in retrospect. What have I achieved?

I have been given opportunities beyond your wildest dreams. Back at M-bank, several factors were favorable, several were not; as with every legend, there is light and there is darkness. Isaac and my colleagues are the light, the money rolling in, it is all very positive. Dawn our protege was sprightly, smart and cheery, and our strong friend and ally. However, when people begin to focus on the negative instead of otherwise, you can always almost certainly find flaws. I have never seen any negative action that brought about a positive change. XBoss tried simply too hard and he is a pretty damn fucking negative guy in everything. No pats on the backs. Nothing. Not that me or Isaac is asking for it, but it would be preferred over hell meetings where we burn young colleagues who just joined us on a stake. To him, this is a battlefield, and he trusts no one. As a result, an environment of deep suspicion and mistrust is constructed, contrary to what he wills for.I have maintained my positivity for the past year, and of course ensured that none of these crap interfered with my commissions and wealth.

However, it did disgust me when a young grad like Dawn was not given any chances or allowances, though I know she is doing her very best and already an excellent sales person at her age.More importantly , some of our colleagues had deliberately influenced the guile XBoss's opinion, and thereafter it was crash and burn for her, even though she was indeed a great help to us. XBoss was simply utilising too much politics to contribute tohis own demise.Thereafter, with Dawn gone, morale fell.

My decision to leave behind the fat commissions, the loving colleagues( who sometimes put one or two daggers into your vetebrae, but I can live with tt) and the excellent location was two-prong.

1> I wanted to the core of the cell walls of every one of my blood cells to move to a higher level than retail. The choices are : Biz Development Mgr, Priority Banker, Junior Pvte Banker and Branch Mgr. Of these , Branch mgr is the least attractive cos of the things I see XBoss do. I think it is a position that is in still waters.Reason being the movement and progression will still be within retail, and even after those years , you will still not fit into Pvt.

2> A positive work energy enlivens and motivates better than any training.I wanted to have a role to be building on that energy, not constantly destroying it. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have the capability and cut for it.

The Present

Before my final interview I was in a strange stroke of luck presented with the notion of Kaizen, the sword of past and present in Zen teachings. You take the sword, and you use it to severe the past and the future, and take out the trash. What is the trash? It is anything that prevents you from being wholely in the present. So in my final interview, my sword had done its work. I was completely in my own presence of now. In deep gratitude which shall carry me in the shining days to come , I was helped by a mentor, Robin , who recognised my glimmer and gave me the chance to push forth. " You are a diamond , Kenny, now we just gotta polish you up" Whoever told us what we are not to be? How many people will step in to remind you that you are all you can be? My god sis, ML, helped to pull me through the anxiety stage of the interview with her cool objective analysis. Isaac took the brunt of my calls when I was staring blankly at the sea, lost for direction. I am where I want to be , now. For brief and fleeting moments, I can sometimes see what it is to be happy, to be working hard and performing at what you love, and to have the appreciation of experienced people who have seen this before. The glimmer of things. For we all begin as Diamonds.

Much has changed, change is inevitable and constant.


The events that triggered Metamorphosis are as follows:

1> Friends lost to ignorance:2
2> Friends betraying the Warrior to darkness:1
3> Loyal friends on the path of the Warrior of the Light: Many
4> Ex gf Janet getting married this year
5> Realization of the Way of the Peaceful Warrior
6> Changing of an enlighthened mentor at the company to a one that mind fucks
7> XiaoMei leaving the company because we allowed it to as collateral damage
8> At the edge of crossroads
9> Meeting new frens on the path, Yenney and Jay
10>Not giving up no matter what happens

The Fist of The North Star is BACK!

When you are down in life and when all the stoopid ex gf's who leave
you after spending all your money and depleting a significant population
of your sperm colony, there are actually many nice people around who will help you. These people are known as guardian angels, who don't see it, at times we may abuse it, but they are there. For me my guardian angels came in the form of my colleagues,Isaac and Wendy.

Wendy could be described as someone that has single-handedly slapped me into reality and encouraged me to move on. What she said to me made more sense than what my useless bum-buddies said to me tenfold. Being agents, both of us , the ferocious desire to break free of poverty is strongly evident and pretty much a part of our soul. She of course has many friends and exposure to people who have been there and done that, I however, only know a few Bozos and cheap chicks. Isaac is the role model and epitome of patience and sacrifice. Enough said.

Thus I have only the power bestowed upon myself by virtue of my pure stubborness to carry me thus far.So instead of complaining and bitching.I've decided to take matters into my own hands. Why deprive myself of that which is my birth-right? I'm here to have fun, make art and get rich. And I have not seen anyone get rich by sulking except for the pathetic people who walk in to bargain for fixed deposit rates on their puny assets , in which case they are old and not really very rich, anyways. I dug out my old books, my album of motivational Cd's and I didn't care whether they are right or wrong. I figured that a little good is better than sulking.I will err on the side of certainty. Little by little, I took baby steps towards climbing up and walking again. I called old clients, I met up with new ones.The irritating folks pestering for rates now became my favorite friends. The more they try to irk me, the softer my expression becomes. Before they know it, their life savings are my AUM. Of course, I do have some beloved clients I keep close to my heart. I will work and cancel my off days as long as there is a chance to close. Little by little, people started coming back, senior staff began to refer qualified leads. ( I suspect all the long they have, just that we had a different mindset)At roadshow, I have stood for hours and hours to end, not stopping to ask around. I have been working hard to fufill others dream I might as well fulfill mine first.

But I am still not strong enough, to handle customer issues, for that I am sincerely grateful to my service managers for their guidance.

For a while, I have felt forsaken and alone, and the only thought on my mind, every single morning, was for whoever above to take my life away tommorrow morning so that I may never wake again. I have loved and lived and for a while that would suffice.

But now I am glad I have awakened. From a long slumber of laziness and depression, I have awakened. The first thing I did was to go back to office , print out the following, and paste it on my brochures==>

The thought manifests as the word,The word manifests as the deed,The deed develops into habit,And habit hardens in character,So watch the thought and its ways with care,And let it spring from love,Born out of concern for all beings…As the shadow follows the body,As we think, so we become
- Buddha (from the Dhammapada)

Thereafter, I tried to curb my anger. I also did not want to think about competing with anyone, since it makes you lose focus. So all day long I just thought about my own actions and what outcome I wanted it to lead to, all the small actions. A few slips here and there, but some improvement was made especially with constant reminder from Wendy.

I began to sms all my customers. Like what I did constantly in the past. I ran and I ran and I ran. I tried not to feel pity anymore though that sometimes creeps in. Gradually, becoming rich and affluent on my own accord seems quite pleasant too. ROCKY can have his own room.I can swim and work out all day long. And of course I like driving around. Best of all what did I like best? Can't say for sure but it is the rhythm of things that you can drum yourself into. It is a constant good feeling.

Thanks Wendy if you can read this, I owe u. Well Isaac my bro, need I say further? Dedicated to my guardian angels from somewhere with blind yellow tigers.

It was Saturday afternoon that I met Mr William Ian Quayle, my secondary English Teacher and form teacher. That seemed like an awful long time ago, having graduated from that 4A class in 1996.However Mr Quayle has not aged a day since I've last seen him. In fact, he seems to be growing younger by the day! Thus, it is very unsettling when I myself have aged and hve people commenting on how old I look beyond my years. He has lost a his belly, shaved his beard, and could easily pass off as a middle aged Brit lad trodding the streets of manchester.


Mr Quayle is the epitome of fun and wit. He drops us down on routine push ups with his whistle and makes good fun out of our essays about killer curry puffs and voluptous women in red. He has also managed to rouse a great deal of interest in otherwise monotonous minds to the world of English literature and good old Ray Bradbury Sci-Fi novels. Recall a time when our roof leaked during the rain and he had to gather the whole class into a cluster huddling in a corner while the rain collected a mini reservoir in the middle of that space. Also there was a time our roof flew off.


Fast forward to present where our class became a collection of professionals, bankers, doctors, dentists, High rankimg army officers, teachers and brokers. Some are still unemployed of course.And some pretend to be. Anyway, the present is a far cry from the fun days of yesteryears. People are too busy to meet and catch up with old friends, and they form islands from each other.


Mr Quayle however, has cunningly escaped all that and kept himself frozen in those years. He is still funny, full of witty jokes and comments, and very intelligent in a warm way. He is one person that I truly can see is happy with where he is and fully enjoying the moment. Perhaps, that state is what we are all searching for? Now, I am not suggesting that everyone should pursue teaching careers. But Mr Quayle seems to have found a position that fits him snuggly, and just something about him tells others that he is chirpy and happy. Truly a great individual, glad to have bumped into him today.

Today as I walked ROCKY along the beach I noticed that most other dogs were walked by their owners, not owner. The world is plagued by images of having to be seen as couples, to such an extent that being seen alone with your puppy seems like a dangerous abomination. Well, I don't care....












Being single is an art. It is the art of not exposing your vulerability to people, to give ambigious answers when questions thrown on whether you are seeing anyone apart from your dog.(Metaphorically speaking, I know that a dog is not a person) But then again, so many issues are liberated, for example, not having to tell anyone you are enjoying a satrical movie with very enjoyable company at 3 AM in the morning, not having to rush home to cook hopelessly unappreciated dinners and lunches for people who don't even bother to do their laundry.Walking off on a weekend night to do your own stuff, read your book, or spend the night trashing teenagers at neighbourhood arcade centres, will no longer be misunderstood as you stealing time off to see other girls.



The advantages are numerous. One gets to absolutely focus on his or her interests without being distracted with thoughts like: will she get pregnant? Do I have enough to finance that pathetic unit of HDB built to order? Is she cheating on me like my previous ex?So on and so forth. Such questions are completely eliminated. No more worries too about her ridiculous parents you have not met for the entire duration of your relationship.There will also be no communication problems since there is no communication.On the February of every year, while most guys scramble and roll under their beds in fear of another horrendous expenditure nightmare, or new ideas for the same bloody occassion every year like a new company directive, you are happily chilling out with your friends watching soccer.Also, there will be no ten year plan to start a family and have children; and you don't have to pretend to like children altogether. You'd be bumming around till 40 and at the same time not comprimising in having an unwavering consistency in having amazing sex since the partners are all different.


Or, in an IDEAL situation, out of sheer hard work and a bit of luck, your career rockets and suddenly you have tons of money and nowhere to spend since you are single. Imagine. Bose HiFi. That condo you have been eyeing. A fashionably affordable EvO9. A fully airconditioned playpen for all your pets. Your own art gallery. You suddenly have become the object of conversation among your withering married friends, plagued by the energy black holes that come in the form of little children. You grow younger by the day due to your hard work at the gym, 3 times a week.What happens next?


Truth is, being single is not always by choice. The people we meet, the people we are with or have left, they are not always suitable.Fate plays a cruel hand in these situations...how does all the success in the world, all the riches in the world compare with a heart warming conversation with your loved one, a gentle kiss, a sweet reminiscence of her perfume in the air?Being single also means you spend your whole time trying to forget these things. The result is a solitary existence, neither happy nor sad, living in the present, with a past that you try to forget and a future you are trying not to consider....

The End Of The World is Approaching/
Desmond has quit, Djeanny next, and BOSS may transfer. Sim the FSC is going to C Bank. All hell
is breaking lose next month.Effectively if you were to enter the banking hall this is what you'd see:> A SHAOLIN MONASTARY
consisting of 3 guys...ARGH>>>

I have to re-strategize. Many factors are not playing to advantage, for example, the educated
pussies of Shenton Way are really not taking the bait for Insurance or any financial advise.


To worsen that, they are rude and demanding without giving any opportunity for sales...This situation I forsee will prevail for at least to the end of the year lest some new and prettty staff are employed.

Often I have wondered how people could come to work everyday in the morning and smile when you know you have to face a nasty crowd, and chatting with my pretty colleague, Claris, I've found that most of them have developed a new sense of selective hearing that actively converts yapping disgusting customer voices to sweet music. That's why they keep smiling. Someday , I'd gotta learn that skill too.Career-wise, I am suddenly unsure if being a Branch Manager is that attractive since someone I am in full respect of is transferring out of that position...Maybe I will have to re-org and aim towards Affluent Banking and on the private banking.However that being said the role is still not significant and still might not be quite the thing that hits the nail.

What do we want in life? To be happy? What are the means and ways to that ends? These are the questions that life will not allow me to ponder on in days to come, given the horrendous shortage in manpower.This has become something of a joke, so that I no longer find it very stressful to actually be in such a situation.

In bare-bottomed truth, most people are just seeking for higher pay, higher commissions, less work,and more personal time. There, I've said it. This is like the gospel biblical truth of the humanity since the dawn of civilisation.How does anyone rise above this? I think, everything has a price, just like in Alchemy, being unwilling to sacrifice or risk anything yields you just that----nothing.What is the price of what we want? I think I have paid the price many times, and will continue doing so till I achieve my goals or I shall die trying. That is the strength of my spirit.

Therefore, the NEW rationalisation is that, having less RMs, more business will be generated with less catchment dilute that. Probable that sales will increase, and a managerial vacuum gives excellent opportunity to assist the Service mgr to find out about the operational role of a Branch Manager.Having zero distractions, th odds of success in the following 3 months are, in fact, tremendous.

Does anyone really fall into any single catergory of character typology???


At least this is what a book I'm working on, seeks to generalize. Motivation is something that is probably innate to me, but I always seem to have difficulty bringing it to others. This is important considering I'm taking a shot at leadership roles.
Well, truth is , Eli and Lyn are leaving the bank and industry and they have both tendered together at around the same time... I'm just barely into my 2nd month into work, so this is slightly depressing.

Combine this with the fact that another gal stationed at the branch, Claire, who chose Rocky with me, is also leaving, and you get an all time high.


The impressive thing was how my BOSS handled it. I really hand it to him, and guess I've many years of catching up in terms of managing people as well as my own emotions at work.Unfazed by both tenders, of which I'd perceive to be a substantial loss in revenue,BOSS simply said:" When you employ so many, it is only natural that some will stay and some will leave." Wa. I'm really seriously impressed as I thought he'd be at least a little affected like us.At the end of the day, I think it takes great strength and impartiality to lead. If BOSS gets affected imagine how the rest will deal with it.


I'm just into my second month into the bank and barely scraping past claiming my commisions last month, though with a quarter millions' worth of sales. Apparently it is still a puny small figure in comparison to most. Pacing myself at a 20 month-long run, this month is a good start at 260k in first week secured. This month I will shoot for the million mark.

That having said, look at where the team is at now: I'm new, Isaac's new, Desmond's strength is in loans. And the others do not contribute as a team. Isaac himself is a hell of a sales person, and he helped me a ton along the way.Completely unselfish, Isaac has no weaknesses. I think I can help to motivate him in the direction of insurance sales.Des however is still, as the books will define, in type 3 zone. He is patient with ridiculous people, and will go to great lengths to appease hostile, vile, saliva spitting customers. That's something I've consistently failed to accomplish. However, on occasions where the moment of attack is eminent, Des almost always pulls back. I do not know whether it is his virtue or misgiving , but I do know this hesitation will certainly cost him his position one day. I'd very much like to help motivate him and persuade him to stay, though I'm not confident.Harold i this supremely neutral and selfish character, whom we never get to talk to whenever help is needed. He does his job well, expects help from noone, and therefore helps noone. He is not a leader. With Eli gone, he is the next oldest senior and yet I'd not expect much from him. D'jeanny is someone noone talks to, simply because she talks too much. Not a team player.


This leads me to the inevitable conclusion that the team now is marginalised to 2 or 3 people, which is fine as long as I figure out the mechanics. It would be a very heavy blow if Des really leaves as noone is familiar with his expertise.Sales figures wise, I'd commit twice my usual to make up for the loss.I reckon Isaac has to do the same...How else are we seeing 4 Mill figures per month????

Has been a while since I wrote, has been a while since anything was felt. Caught in a flurry of ideals, it is easy to numb ourselves to the point of oblivion, convincing our souls in a daily drone of voices that: no we do not need love, no we do not require a personal life; it is just not a pre-requisite of corporate life and ambition.

And slowly we lull ourselves to forget, the very essence that brought us to life, the spring of our souls. Love is a many splendoured thing, but being a thing of past, it is reduced to a petty form of nostalgia. What did we do correct ? What did we do wrong? Nobody could answer these questions save ourselves.

I have loved and lost many times over. Sometimes it is to that extent of being painful to remember. In time I've developed a unique form of selective amnesia, designed to allow me access to the form and not the substance of days gone past. This is probably present in not some of us, but all of us.

Fortunately, fate deals its cards in its own delight. Well, sometimes you are dealt a lucky hand and suddenly, you remember. The sweetness that flows into your veins. The passion that once filled your soul. The heartbeat that skipped once or twice...

" They found solace,
in the moment that a sudden passion joined them in meeting.

Such is a certainty,
That renders the world beautiful.

And yet within,
The uncertainty beckons the heart,
To greater depths of beauty."
--Wislawa Szymborska,
Love at First Sight.
.


"How can I keep my soul in me,
so that it doesn't touch your soul?
How can I raise it high enough,
past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it,
among remote lost objects,
in some dark and silent place
that doesn't resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us,
me and you,takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?"
- Rainer Maria Rilke ,Sweetest Song

What you can do if you had a few Billion Dollars:

A recent article about the merger of wealth between the world's 2 greatest concentration of wealth into a non-profit charitable fund saw Buffet donate away 80% of his 40-odd Billion to the Gates Foundation. That's like, as a point of illustration, saying that i pledge half of the island of Singapore away, if, of course, I had owned it.

This (typically) led me to a spiralling of deep depression, coupled with my unfortunate accident with my wretchedly sprained ankle, to ponder after what we are actually worth in comparison to the titans.

Right, in mortal terms, the typical Singaporean yuppie Grad can land an income of SGD21,500- SGD50,000 with a measly increment over the next few years. So a singaporean can expect to earn, give and take, a puny 1.5-3 Mill over his span of 30-40yrs of working life.Take away the mortgage, car loans, and combined amortisation of interest in the early years and you'll be left with 10k at 60yrs old trying to be VERY nice to your kids.

This leads most of us to the fatasastical idea of hitting our million mark before 40 and then generating enough from investment to attain some form of nirvana called "financial freedom". Perfectly sane. This is granted if you lead the typically sedentary lifestyles of say, the titans(Buffet), whose tastes still remain in cheap burgers and cherry coke. How many of us, financial advisors, bankers, remisers, engineers and other professionals can boast of such a humble expenditure? How many of us fall into the crumblings of spiralling debt by just filling the downpayment of your favorite toy paying and off the debt by trickles. All the crap and moneysense that we hopelessly are trying to instill will not work if we do not realise this. That we do not need to spend beyond the basics.

Of course the other way round would mean the collapse of the economy when people refuse to spend and save all their money...The point is, WAKE up, MLM or joining a financial advisory firm will not size us up to the levels of the titans. The greatest odds I think in this game is to play it with whatever cards we have. Whatever we are good at, continue to be good at it and be so good that it thrills people to keep you around. On the other hand, siphon and sieve, and hoard all wealth to your grave (har har)

So- this is what I'd do if I had a Billion Dollars (1,000mill)

600,000- This is what I'd pay for a decent Condominium Apartment. For staying in.

2,000,000- This is to Mr and Mrs Low, for their opportunity cost.

1,000,000- Average Wage buffer to put into money market funds in case I decide to do anything stupid with my career( 10 yrs)

3,000,000- Bonds, in case I lose everything I still thrive on the yield

5,400,000-US market, Get Ready for the Rogue trader!!! Growth Stocks

8,000,000- Preferred Shares

10,000,000- Buy a portfolio of companies as in MAjor stake

20,000,000- Rental Properties

200,000- Paid up Insurance

100,000- Education

Balance of 949.7 Million?- What to do ? Nothing else left to do what, there's only so much a person and his family needs before it drives them nuts.Henceforth,

949.7Mill- Gates Foundation!!! har har...the irony

我觉得，有时候，变相的爱更为人所惧。

很多人认为，同性恋者的情况很特殊，并认为他们的行为多引人瞩目；故此喧哗求宠，其实不然。现实生活中的一些人，在维持普通的男女关系的方法更为玄奇。

在我的挚友当中，有一些男生因为本质过于善良，常被女友摆布。甚至,女友因为自己的家境良好，因而产生一种莫名的优越感，常常批评他的家人。种种因素，已经令感情停滞不前。他们反反复复，分了手却又破镜重圆，接二连三，搞得身边的人都极为混乱。

男友渐渐的构想了一计妙方，就是与世隔绝，全心全意地去伺奉他的女神。女神也相应的留在凡间。摒弃家人的爱戴，也摒弃了挚友的关怀。

多么凄美的童话呀！

女神依然可以神游，男生却在背后背上了不孝不义以及不仁之名继续苟存。没有自尊的苟存。男声身边的挚友，也逐渐在枯萎。

现实生活中，变相的爱，更为人所惧呀！同性恋的话题，相比之下，读者可能也只赐予几声冷笑；前者或许怪异，却早已自古流传，而后者，披着羊皮的饿狼，更为人所闻知丧胆，实在有天渊之别呼。

Something from the yesteryears....when I was 17 to 18 ,
language was something within easy grasp.



Remember this logo, anyone??


俘虏

沉淀在我心湖的那些　迷惘的悲伤的喜悦的
都被一涌的潮水冲散
在那以后，
不曾泛起 一阵涟漪 ；
所听到的也只是夹在浮沤里的千万个呐喊！
人说沉沦 想是如此吧，
消沉如溺水的思绪。
啊，不！
不能让一生，蹉跎如浪花散落的一瞬！
于是如逐风的行云我追逐
一种渺茫的希望　一种无拘的放纵！
然而，浣浣的流失了；
那些曾经倒映在我心湖的。
静待了几世，
为着心脉跳动的 再次，
一朝重获投生；呼呼风雨化作优美的合奏，
又是　孱孱的翻腾的汹涌的狂潮　 直奔

Liu Jinzhun, Kenny;
HCJC 97A12
（取自华初华韵２２号刊）

21 March 2006 0020hrs Hong Kong TsimShaTsui

It’s pretty near going home-to-face-the music time…well, I’ve survived Thaksin protests, and fever and 5 days of food poisoning so nothing could be worse. The weather in hong kong is chilly and perfect just like I wanted…This trip has brought a lot of self reflection and an excessive overdose of solitary moments; that I may remember sometimes it is not easy to stay on your own for prolonged periods of time.

Well I must confess that in hong kong I had only begun to think a little about the new life to come, and work, and my financial arrangements. The continual email of my soon to be ex-boss brought moods down for a while, till Janet said:” forget what she’s said, you’re not working with her in the future” How very true indeed. All her staged chivalry and nonsense…these are the last of her words anyways.

For me HK is a pretty sterile place, but good for resting as everything is available. However one shortcoming when you have too much time is shopping. There is no cure. There are just too many things to buy here.But it is a good place to relax, and I’ve been to a Han tomb, an interesting museum, Lantau Island Buddha, the night markets and Ladies’ streets; done lotsa shopping and bought most of what mum might want here.

Food is good but expensive here too-virtually no savings.I also noticed my sunken cheeks from the week long diahorrea ;I’ve eaten nothing much apart from meat porridge and cup noodles. But here it is excessively lonesome. Especially when the only emails you receive are from your soon to be ex boss.

So I have nothing further to see or buy; I’m a happy man. Bought all that I needed and all. When I return home I’m gonna do a major cleanup of my room,also do some prints for the photos; and check my stuff at the office, together with the resignation letter.

The Spartan lifestyle of my travels has also led me thinking about my 3 yr old car, maybe I’d sell it to save better for the house. Also I’ll have to read up on the files concerning my new employer…well I’ve got a long week to do this.

Overall the trip was very enriching, complete with a stopover in the chilly hongkong as a rest haven for the beaten soul. I’ve absorbed more political information here than through any part of my life…and perspectives that I’d never forget…

Hong Kong, Dessert Shop, Jordan

12Mar06 Sun 1802 Laos, Vientianne

For those of you who aspire to cover Thailand-Cambodia-Vietnam-Laos, I strongly urge you to reconsider Laos.The trip from Vietnam to Laos is a living nightmare.Let me explain.First of all Laos Aviation is the only airline operating here, so to fly out of or into here is also not very safe, since Laos Aviation is still not certified from the last time I read.So it leaves the land route from either Thailand or Vietnam.




DO NOT take the Vietnam route. The route from Hue city just south of Vietnam is not what you imagine..From Hue, I sat crammed to my seat unable to move an inch from 8pm right up to 1am.Reaching Vinh city I thought things would turn for the better...but noone knew where the bus to Vientianne was and someone told me to wait till 7am.

Imagine my horror.


So in the end I ended up on a local bus to the border, stuffed with local people and all their wares.Just to describe, when I went up the bus, I saw 2 pairs of feet on my seat;at the headrest.Before we set off I met Shigeo san at the coffeeshop which served really weird stuff;I ordered eel porridge, which ended up tasting like unagi.



From there, Shigeo and I agreed that it was " Jin Nien no Chi goku" which means life in hell.Also Shigeo got conned of 5USD as the brother of the driver told him that he'd fix the visa (advance) problem for him; which turned out to be redundant. At 2am we set off for the border, which is Lao Bao pass. I didn't catch a wink on the bus, all hell broke loose there.People were also sitting on the floor.14USD. I'm going to strangle the guy at BInh Minh Hotel back in Hue.

We arrived barely alive at 0600hrs at the border, when the guards are still asleep. You see, Laos border points have a strict working hour of 7am to 5pm, after that if you want to pass it's not possible. Ok so at least they opened on time;at7 am all the locals crammed the counters, we cleared the 2 points in 2 hours or more.

The bus went to a dead slow at the mountain passes preceding the border. It was a Hyundai water cooled diesel system, far outdated and far too overloaded for its own good.I really was pissed when I saw the lady boss on the bus counting her 100usd bills.She must've profitted a ton from carrying passengers from travel agencies, locals and goods at the same time; at our expense.

The water cooled system required constant stops for cool-downs. There was no A/c and the temperature fluctuated from near 15 in the morning to 38 in the afternoon.There was no food, the only cafes they stopped by were really weird places which had parts of baby bears in jars. The closest edible stuff I saw was turtle eggs and goats intestines.Yummy.

Naturally I wanted some dry stuff and asked for jackfruit chips which the Laos owner happily decided to charge me 4 usd for it.Well he can F-off;all these added to my disdain for Laos, as I've never felt this much repulse and disgust for any of the places I've been in; given that I do have a propensity to tolerate some of the most dire situations.This must be as bad as it gets.

In the middle a lady wanted to get off with her wares, and the helpers?In the process broke her rice wine plastic canister.Soon we had rice wine flowing all over the bus and everything was swimming in it.The smell was pretty good though, and I'm sure the rapid alcohol evaporation helped to cool things down a bit.

But inside the bus it was hot from the arguments that ensued; a huge bicker-war came about, ending only when we reached Viennetiane.
We arrived there dehydrated hungry and shell shocked from the ridiculous laos religious customs vcd that they kept playing and playing on the bus; it was reminiscent of the civics education kinda footage, only worse.

At 1800 we thought our 23 hr bus ride had ended but it turned out that this fantastic bus service dropped me 10km away from the city.We took a 1usd tuk tuk to our guesthouse, and settled down. At night, I tried not to think about the heat and bathed and slept. There's only one thought in my mind now: to get out of Laos ASAP.

12Mar06 Sun 0802 Laos, Vientianne

As I left the central highlands of Dalat in Vietnam, everything is pretty much downslope.I mean this literally.From Dalat my journey stretched to Nha Thrang, a sandy and nice beach which I lingered for only a few hours before catching an overnight bus to Hoi An.

Hoi An is this ridiculous city which is like a hermit crab: an old shell taken over by a new living entity. It's kinda like our Chinatown , with virtually all the shops selling the same stuff.They also have a marble quarry nearby, so it makes it worse.I left Hoi An fo Hue soon enough.


I reached Hue at 1400 hrs, went for lunch at Mr Cu's
cafe, which is this amazing national geographic-like
photographer-owned shop.He gave me a few pointers on the timings and location for photos around the city, and thus I was much more efficient in exectution.




I covered the citadel and emperor's kingdom in the day, and set off for Laos at 1830. Laos is the biggest mistake of my life.

7 March 2006 2150hrs Dalat City, Vietnam

Today is the first day in years I’m on a bike again, I rode into the sand and my bike flipped. No injury, but a group of little village girls where passing by and laughging out loud at me, unable to contain their laughter. My pride is instantly reduced to zero; I got up and rode away at top speed.







Reached Liang Biang Hill at the
afternoon, the guy asked to bring
me up for a 100,000VND (about 10SGD. )

Well he can kiss my ass, I told him I’d walk- later as I was making my slow ascent he’d ride up and laugh at me –argh! Today is not my day.

Anyways it’s very quiet it the pine forest.If I was quiet I could hear my own breathing. It was very relaxing to be in such an environment..I finished my book, and walked down.Oops I forgot to mention that the scenery was breathtaking, with waves of mountains surrounding flowerbeds and tea plantations.

Sidetrack:


This was not the life I was accustomed to : working at night-time, people calling me on the phone 24/7 everyday, getting up late, feeling powerless at myself when clients deferred me.

Outside was a new life, and I wanted it, whatever it was.All the indoctrination and make belief that the sacrifice was for financial freedom seemed like a joke now. Before I led a life of passive servitude and self sacrifice because I always put customers before me,Though I always knew I was taken for granted, I didn’t mind, cos I was making a better living than most people.The false sense of security from whatever scraps of wealth foraged only told me one thing: to be financially free was a must, but this was not the way.

Looking at my manager, I actually have nightmares about what I was to become,I actually wake up in cold swear having my boss appear in my dreams.Nobody knew the burden, nobody cared.To everyone I was just a money foraging jackel, my eyes piercing through them to skewer them and take advantage of them.

However whenever they needed someone to do the paperwork and legwork, the least enterprising of all business (because with the number 18002488000 everyone could do it on their own), I suddenly became the handyman for everything.

It’s a lonely road. In the company I had been successful with decorations and promotions, which was futile, as I knew for certain my team was beyond human redemption: a wrong mix of working class workers trying to be independent.

So what does it mean to be financially free? I am financially free now; at least for the next 30 days.I’m free to do most of what my heart desires, mostly to travel long distances and to do art.I think intrinsically, everyone wants to be happy: some desire it passively, others simply wage a war to achieve it.

I still maintain that sound financial planning is a necessity, but not to the point of obsession now.If my good friends’ family members don’t believe a word I say, so be it.If friends want to avoid talking about money cos its sensitive(to which part of their being, I can never imagine) so be it.I’ll still maintain the words I say as they are built on logic and a desire for more intellect in the course of our lives.

Our country was not built on ignorance, yet in all its education and high literacy levels most of our common sense is still very much set back, especially in financial enlightenment.

Back to the town of Dalat. This must be the best best place thus far in my trip.Internet is free, the rooms are basically 3 star standards with TV and hot baths for backpacker guesthouse prices.Dinner was at French restaurant Ngouc du, with 3 course dinners and wine for 5usd.

However, this romantic little town is meant for lovebirds, not for travelling alone…apparently this town is a hotspot for locals to spend their honeymoon. The weather is so nice here-not too cold and never warm-that I might just fall asleep here for a week, taking treks to the jungle and editing my photos.

I’m nearly finishing the book:” survival in the killing fields”. Strongly advisable for anyone of us feeling that your life sucks and your work sucks and your boss does not like you. At approx the time when our parents were out making out and having the time of their lives, these people for 4 yrs between 75-79 were having their children killed, pregnant women having their babies sliced out alive, surviving on leaves, frogs and some rice; and all under the propaganda of some abstract idealism of utopia. It is really very similar to Orwell’s 1984, well, except worse. People were killed for nothing here. As a result all infrastructure including roads, electricity and amnesties are still very backward up to this day.(except for the tourist industry)So it is a sobering thought that I’d have never chanced upon just cooped up in my own work and my own struggle.


The Great and Prospering SP Seelingling

6 March 06 2201hrs Dalat, Central Vietnam Highlands

With great speed and fury I’ve travelled for 6 days hardly stopping to rest, rushing to the sites for photography, and not sensing too much of the city. In a way I knew I didn’t want to sense it since all backpacker ghettos are pretty generic and similar both in prices and things they sell.However It’s good that they all have fruit juice, particularly avocado juice.I’ve drank like 5 cups a nite at 50 cents each- it is known , avocado is a known aphrodisiac. Not that I’ve too much use for that…

Dalat is a pretty little french colonial style town, quiet and tranquil. A sanctuary compared to the streets of Saigon, with Europeans and Blacks hugging on to some viet gals and the noisy raunchy streets, which reminded me of khaosan. Backpacker hell. So I’ve decided to give myself a treat and rest a while here, not that I haven’t been resting all this while, it’s just that I’ve been raging on buses onto the roads non stop and getting up everyday at 6 AM. I take this as a very subtle training for my new life to come:getting up early rushing to work, and closing shop in the evenings.

5march2006 1824 Vietnam time, Ho chi minh city

Reached ho chi minh city at 1400hrs, the road is much much better, and prices are fairer here. At least not as cunning as the khmers, over charging even for a single loaf of bread. Ok so the story goes, I was not very clear about the pol pot regime, so the whole killing field thing just seemed like a huge dusty side show. So I bought an entire historical account of the ideologies and situations in the Indochina wars from the 70s and began to get a clearer view of things.What is this evil, interpreted communism and socialism? I understood from the original manifesto by Marx to be something empowering and spartan in nature. But the nature of the human soul is not what he imagined. Demons of desire and lust for an endless list of things ride us, so the interpretation and implementation is a little different.Apparently the regime destroyed infrastructure to its very core, its aftereffects can still be seen today.

The brief political background:In 1976 people were reclassified as full rights (base) people, candidates, and depositees -- so called because they included most of the new people who had been deposited from the cities into the communes. Depositees were marked for destruction. Their rations were reduced to two bowls of rice soup, or "juk" per day. This led to widespread starvation amongst the depositees.The Khmer Rouge leadership boasted over their radio station that only one or two million people out of the population were needed to build the new agrarian communist utopia. As for the others, as their proverb put it, "if they survive, no gain; if they die, no loss. "Hundreds of thousands of the new people, and later the depositees, were taken out, shackled, to dig their own mass graves. Then the Khmer Rouge soldiers beat them to death with iron bars and hoes or buried them alive. A Khmer Rouge extermination prison directive ordered, "Bullets are not to be wasted."In 1976 people were reclassified as full rights (base) people, candidates, and depositees -- so called because they included most of the new people who had been deposited from the cities into the communes. Depositees were marked for destruction. Their rations were reduced to two bowls of rice soup, or "juk" per day. This led to widespread starvation amongst the depositees.The Khmer Rouge leadership boasted over their radio station that only one or two million people out of the population were needed to build the new agrarian communist utopia. As for the others, as their proverb put it, "if they survive, no gain; if they die, no loss. "Hundreds of thousands of the new people, and later the depositees, were taken out, shackled, to dig their own mass graves. Then the Khmer Rouge soldiers beat them to death with iron bars and hoes or buried them alive. A Khmer Rouge extermination prison directive ordered, "Bullets are not to be wasted."

Property became communal, and education was dispensed at communal schools. Pol Pot's regime was extremely harsh on political dissent and opposition. Torture was widespread. In some instances, throats were slit as prisoners were tied to metal bed frames.Thousands of politicians and bureaucrats accused of association with previous governments were killed, while Phnom Penh was turned into a ghost city with many dying of starvation, illnesses, or execution. Land mines, which Pol Pot praised as his "perfect soldiers," were widely distributed around the countryside. The casualty list from the civil war, Pol Pot's consolidation of power, and the invasion by Vietnam is disputed. Credible Western and Eastern sources [1] put the death toll of the Khmer Rouge at 1.6 millionPol Pot espoused a radically revised variant of Maoism, the so-called "Anka" Doctrine, adapted to Khmer nationalism. Envisaging a perfectly egalitarian agrarianism, the Khmer Rouge favored a completely agrarian society to the point that all modern technological contrivances were banned. Pol Pot was quite the opponent of Soviet orthodoxy. Because he was anti-Soviet, the People's Republic of China considered him preferable to the pro-Vietnamese (therefore pro-Moscow) government. The Western powers took more or less the same line, offering diplomatic support to the Khmer Rouge after they were ousted from power by the Vietnamese in 1979.The discoveries by the centre cause experts to revise upward the estimated number of victims of the Khmer Rouge from 1.7 million to 2.2-2.5 millionHenceforth, highly disturbing, not that pol pot missed his trial appointment, but that a thousand deaths could not yield to compensate for his killings. A visit to the towers of skulls and the torture class rooms at the Toul Sleng S21*not S11 museum and you instantly get the picture. Can you imagine killing children? I can't. Maybe mr pot can, and I imagine now his soul must be grappled by approx. 3million demons in the echelons of vast eternity.

4march2006 2202 Cambodia time, Phnom Pehn , Cambodia Capital

I've just eaten something very very weird, that's a chick embryo inside an egg.Also I've forgotten not to take street ice, and went ahead with soursop ice.Dinner was at my guest house with a breathtaking view to the lake in Phnom Pehn.Things are nowhere cheap here, and people are not like Thai, everyone seems to be wanting to rip your wallet out and vaccuum it dry.So far in my journey I've not really stopped for resting, dwelling not more than a single night in each location.Hence I've covered: Bangkok--Aranya Prathet--Siem Reap--Phnom Pehn in a matter of 4 days. Tommorow will be set for Vietnam. The bus trip to PP city was very exciting. In short somebody in front of our bus was riding on a bike, and attempting to strangle someone in a car also in front.Apparently the bus decided to give chase to the car as well. The driver of the car must not be very popular.In the end our bus screwed up after attempting to block the car's detour route.It's gear box went up.Luckily delay was minimal.Back to PP city. PP city is a very dusty and depressing place to be in, not to mention hot. The highlight of the day was actually dinner by the lake.

Pol Pots dearth angels and poor souls.

Hope they are set free soon

After setting down my stuff at 1400hrs I immediately set out for Cheoung Ek Killing fields, which is 15Klicks away and a ton of dust apart. Throughout the journey even with my scarf on i ended choking on dust, and the end result, CE killing fields is hardly worth it.It is actually a pagoda or shrine with a tower high of skulls. Apart from that its actually nothing except for a few posters and a very rich uncle collecting usd 2 for entry

Children and women killed and recorded at S21

Bed at which men are shackled and beaten to death,

the photo behind depicts one with his skull showing

from the beatings.

Then we're of to Toul Sleng S21 muesuem which is actually very depressing as its used as a premise for torture and deaths of some thousands of khmers.This includes children, mothers with babies, pregnant women and old people.Pol pot obviously has a very twisted notion of state welfare. Apparently he burned all culture and commited genocide against all educated people in ways you can never imagine.Families of teachers doctors and monks are tortured, electrocuted, had their fingers took off with pliers, heads in sewage water,etc.I do not know the rationale for doing this, especially against children.

Anyways, I'd be uploading my photos soon as there's no such service in PP city.Within there'e actually images of the cells, and skulls and torture beds.Not very cheerful to look at, but it makes you realize how trivial our problems of traffic, HDB and people lacking in financial knowledge seem in comparison. It's rather sobering.

Motor riders here HAVE ESP. I've verified it. They actually can sense oncoming traffic and weave in and out.And most people don't get angry at traffic though it's hot it's dusty and aircon is not common in cars here.I really have got to take a rest, perhaps at Dalat at Northern Vietnam Highlands.Not in this dusty city...it's also far too hot to sleep or relax...I take about 5 baths an average each night

3march2006 13:01 Cambodia time, Siem Reap, Cambodia



Angkor Wat,
nun resting on pane of stone window






I've just finished viewing Angkor Wat... which is magnificent only in scale and size....It's very touristy, kind of like the Singapore Zoo except that the animals are missing.I prefer the one that I went last time, which is Ayutthaya in Thailand. It's very similar except this one is bigger.

Ok ok let me tell you how I got here.....First I flew to Bangkok, then went to this Hualamphong Station which is very creepy with many people that look like criminals. Thereafter I thought of going to Thanon Khaosan to stay, thinking its cheaper, but that place has become hell on earth, with decadent ang mos, plus super loud "chiongster" music and the hotels are no longer cheap, starting from 300B (I used to stay for 60B) So I headed back for the station, thinking I might sleep there.

Met this lone jap guy at the station, same plight, whose name is Aki.
So we both stayed there till we realize that the station actually closes at midnite.
We were forced to sit outside, open to the muggers and urchins outside.
One guy tries to chat us up, and I immediately located my


swinging swiss army knife. I manage to cut him short of whatever he's saying, and leave with Aki san. We slept on the floor of a guesthouse which is the "deluxe room" accordingly- but it's 50B. I didnt really sleepso at 5 AM we went off to take the train.The train was v nice and long too, and we quickly find out that hard boiled eggs are the magical food ration on trains. The toilet on train looks like it flushes

outside, but I couldnt find it when I looked out side (while simultaneously flushing) ha ha.Anyways the hell begins when we reach the border town of Aranya Prathet. There I quickly learnt not to speak to anyone till you cross it. Someone tried to overcharge me 200B for filling upmy form as a service for me getting their bus ticket. So I said :" no problem, I'll pay with you together at the counter" and so I refused to pay and there was no payment at the counter.

The bus ride from border town Poipet to Siem Reap is not for everyones taste. In fact if you were from SAF commando unit you'd probably still only half survive the trip. All the roads have no tar on them, and they look like they have been repeatedly bombed. I reached Siem Reap at 11 pm, and found a cheap and quiet Guesthse for 5USD....


Streets of Cambodia

Coming up.......My March backpacking journals of Laos, Thailand, Cambodia and HongKong.....long over due, but nevertheless; the pics are on http://www.flickr.com/photos/ken_millionlightyears_away/tags/travel/

On the Trappings of a Career

The bane of my life came when the day dad went into the discussion of contributing to the family income.Youy see, the interesting about me is that morality and piety is not one of my functions.I function from cold logic when the frail make of irrational emotions do nothing to help but to dramatize simple facts.The fact for me is that I pretty much made out on my own, earning my own keep since 15.Hell, even the bulk of the university fees were paid for by my own bank loan.(By the way, my Mum is in fact receiving monthly disbursements fo that amount, kind of like an annuity.) So imagine the outrage of audacity when he brought up " monthly contributions".Well, in my honest confucian study language, fuck all that piety crap.

The trappings of poor financial blueprinting was that there was always scarcity and a great deal of scrimping and savings on items that mattered to human dignity and subsequently splurging on a 39inch TV.My family has taught me nothing in that aspect.

I am a manifestation of fury and drive in sales.I remember my agent days, when I was in top form, I could close anyone in 30 minutes.Even strangers. Yet my career is mapped by a mixture of my own misjudgement and mismanagement.But one thing I regretted was punting away the bulk of what I earned on the SGX and letting all the glitter get to my head. Heck, I must be one of the youngest in my cohort to drive my own car and making my own business.

Truth is, I liked the thrill and satisfaction of closing. I liked the charm and suaveness required to lull people into the buying impulse. For a while, I was all about that. All my artistic talent was forgotten, or rather adapted to this mode of survival. To achieve this I had to shut out all of the previous perceptions about money and poverty altogether, kind of like in denial.As a result, I spent extravagantly, held myself on a cloud of fantasitical wealthy mode.In retrospect I think true wealth is really less idealistic but heck it doesn't hurt to be outrageous everynow and then.
Only a few people I've met matched up to my levels of drive, truth to speak. I cannot tolerate incompetence, in whatever form.So when I see inefficiency and lack, I try to turn it around to ideas and abundance. At S-bank this was utterly violated as the corporation saw more need to manouveour its people in a merry-go-round-cum- musical-chairs mode rather than to cut through the jargon and get to the core to the business. In AIA people were so at the core of business that it became vulgar and we drew more and more curtains to convince ourselves of the flawed product.

So hell, fuck all the corporate bullshit. I'm here to make my mark. Safe to speak, my competence and knowledge in techniques have matured over the years and I am a shark among fishes.
Put me in the water and I will propel forth with so great a fury of speed that none will be in sight.I am long disillisioned with the stalwarts of organisations; these members are like algae, they appear only to pick up scraps, and when all is in balance they are as good as dead.

Time is gaining on me. I do not believe that I would live forever, and I do not want to retire at 55 with a 42 inch LCD HDTV in front of which I would languish and die. I must swim and I must survive. If this is a race I shall come in with the kings amongst kings.