我觉得，有时候，变相的爱更为人所惧。

很多人认为，同性恋者的情况很特殊，并认为他们的行为多引人瞩目；故此喧哗求宠，其实不然。现实生活中的一些人，在维持普通的男女关系的方法更为玄奇。

在我的挚友当中，有一些男生因为本质过于善良，常被女友摆布。甚至,女友因为自己的家境良好，因而产生一种莫名的优越感，常常批评他的家人。种种因素，已经令感情停滞不前。他们反反复复，分了手却又破镜重圆，接二连三，搞得身边的人都极为混乱。

男友渐渐的构想了一计妙方，就是与世隔绝，全心全意地去伺奉他的女神。女神也相应的留在凡间。摒弃家人的爱戴，也摒弃了挚友的关怀。

多么凄美的童话呀！

女神依然可以神游，男生却在背后背上了不孝不义以及不仁之名继续苟存。没有自尊的苟存。男声身边的挚友，也逐渐在枯萎。

现实生活中，变相的爱，更为人所惧呀！同性恋的话题，相比之下，读者可能也只赐予几声冷笑；前者或许怪异，却早已自古流传，而后者，披着羊皮的饿狼，更为人所闻知丧胆，实在有天渊之别呼。

Something from the yesteryears....when I was 17 to 18 ,
language was something within easy grasp.



Remember this logo, anyone??


俘虏

沉淀在我心湖的那些　迷惘的悲伤的喜悦的
都被一涌的潮水冲散
在那以后，
不曾泛起 一阵涟漪 ；
所听到的也只是夹在浮沤里的千万个呐喊！
人说沉沦 想是如此吧，
消沉如溺水的思绪。
啊，不！
不能让一生，蹉跎如浪花散落的一瞬！
于是如逐风的行云我追逐
一种渺茫的希望　一种无拘的放纵！
然而，浣浣的流失了；
那些曾经倒映在我心湖的。
静待了几世，
为着心脉跳动的 再次，
一朝重获投生；呼呼风雨化作优美的合奏，
又是　孱孱的翻腾的汹涌的狂潮　 直奔

Liu Jinzhun, Kenny;
HCJC 97A12
（取自华初华韵２２号刊）

21 March 2006 0020hrs Hong Kong TsimShaTsui

It’s pretty near going home-to-face-the music time…well, I’ve survived Thaksin protests, and fever and 5 days of food poisoning so nothing could be worse. The weather in hong kong is chilly and perfect just like I wanted…This trip has brought a lot of self reflection and an excessive overdose of solitary moments; that I may remember sometimes it is not easy to stay on your own for prolonged periods of time.

Well I must confess that in hong kong I had only begun to think a little about the new life to come, and work, and my financial arrangements. The continual email of my soon to be ex-boss brought moods down for a while, till Janet said:” forget what she’s said, you’re not working with her in the future” How very true indeed. All her staged chivalry and nonsense…these are the last of her words anyways.

For me HK is a pretty sterile place, but good for resting as everything is available. However one shortcoming when you have too much time is shopping. There is no cure. There are just too many things to buy here.But it is a good place to relax, and I’ve been to a Han tomb, an interesting museum, Lantau Island Buddha, the night markets and Ladies’ streets; done lotsa shopping and bought most of what mum might want here.

Food is good but expensive here too-virtually no savings.I also noticed my sunken cheeks from the week long diahorrea ;I’ve eaten nothing much apart from meat porridge and cup noodles. But here it is excessively lonesome. Especially when the only emails you receive are from your soon to be ex boss.

So I have nothing further to see or buy; I’m a happy man. Bought all that I needed and all. When I return home I’m gonna do a major cleanup of my room,also do some prints for the photos; and check my stuff at the office, together with the resignation letter.

The Spartan lifestyle of my travels has also led me thinking about my 3 yr old car, maybe I’d sell it to save better for the house. Also I’ll have to read up on the files concerning my new employer…well I’ve got a long week to do this.

Overall the trip was very enriching, complete with a stopover in the chilly hongkong as a rest haven for the beaten soul. I’ve absorbed more political information here than through any part of my life…and perspectives that I’d never forget…

Hong Kong, Dessert Shop, Jordan

12Mar06 Sun 1802 Laos, Vientianne

For those of you who aspire to cover Thailand-Cambodia-Vietnam-Laos, I strongly urge you to reconsider Laos.The trip from Vietnam to Laos is a living nightmare.Let me explain.First of all Laos Aviation is the only airline operating here, so to fly out of or into here is also not very safe, since Laos Aviation is still not certified from the last time I read.So it leaves the land route from either Thailand or Vietnam.




DO NOT take the Vietnam route. The route from Hue city just south of Vietnam is not what you imagine..From Hue, I sat crammed to my seat unable to move an inch from 8pm right up to 1am.Reaching Vinh city I thought things would turn for the better...but noone knew where the bus to Vientianne was and someone told me to wait till 7am.

Imagine my horror.


So in the end I ended up on a local bus to the border, stuffed with local people and all their wares.Just to describe, when I went up the bus, I saw 2 pairs of feet on my seat;at the headrest.Before we set off I met Shigeo san at the coffeeshop which served really weird stuff;I ordered eel porridge, which ended up tasting like unagi.



From there, Shigeo and I agreed that it was " Jin Nien no Chi goku" which means life in hell.Also Shigeo got conned of 5USD as the brother of the driver told him that he'd fix the visa (advance) problem for him; which turned out to be redundant. At 2am we set off for the border, which is Lao Bao pass. I didn't catch a wink on the bus, all hell broke loose there.People were also sitting on the floor.14USD. I'm going to strangle the guy at BInh Minh Hotel back in Hue.

We arrived barely alive at 0600hrs at the border, when the guards are still asleep. You see, Laos border points have a strict working hour of 7am to 5pm, after that if you want to pass it's not possible. Ok so at least they opened on time;at7 am all the locals crammed the counters, we cleared the 2 points in 2 hours or more.

The bus went to a dead slow at the mountain passes preceding the border. It was a Hyundai water cooled diesel system, far outdated and far too overloaded for its own good.I really was pissed when I saw the lady boss on the bus counting her 100usd bills.She must've profitted a ton from carrying passengers from travel agencies, locals and goods at the same time; at our expense.

The water cooled system required constant stops for cool-downs. There was no A/c and the temperature fluctuated from near 15 in the morning to 38 in the afternoon.There was no food, the only cafes they stopped by were really weird places which had parts of baby bears in jars. The closest edible stuff I saw was turtle eggs and goats intestines.Yummy.

Naturally I wanted some dry stuff and asked for jackfruit chips which the Laos owner happily decided to charge me 4 usd for it.Well he can F-off;all these added to my disdain for Laos, as I've never felt this much repulse and disgust for any of the places I've been in; given that I do have a propensity to tolerate some of the most dire situations.This must be as bad as it gets.

In the middle a lady wanted to get off with her wares, and the helpers?In the process broke her rice wine plastic canister.Soon we had rice wine flowing all over the bus and everything was swimming in it.The smell was pretty good though, and I'm sure the rapid alcohol evaporation helped to cool things down a bit.

But inside the bus it was hot from the arguments that ensued; a huge bicker-war came about, ending only when we reached Viennetiane.
We arrived there dehydrated hungry and shell shocked from the ridiculous laos religious customs vcd that they kept playing and playing on the bus; it was reminiscent of the civics education kinda footage, only worse.

At 1800 we thought our 23 hr bus ride had ended but it turned out that this fantastic bus service dropped me 10km away from the city.We took a 1usd tuk tuk to our guesthouse, and settled down. At night, I tried not to think about the heat and bathed and slept. There's only one thought in my mind now: to get out of Laos ASAP.

12Mar06 Sun 0802 Laos, Vientianne

As I left the central highlands of Dalat in Vietnam, everything is pretty much downslope.I mean this literally.From Dalat my journey stretched to Nha Thrang, a sandy and nice beach which I lingered for only a few hours before catching an overnight bus to Hoi An.

Hoi An is this ridiculous city which is like a hermit crab: an old shell taken over by a new living entity. It's kinda like our Chinatown , with virtually all the shops selling the same stuff.They also have a marble quarry nearby, so it makes it worse.I left Hoi An fo Hue soon enough.


I reached Hue at 1400 hrs, went for lunch at Mr Cu's
cafe, which is this amazing national geographic-like
photographer-owned shop.He gave me a few pointers on the timings and location for photos around the city, and thus I was much more efficient in exectution.




I covered the citadel and emperor's kingdom in the day, and set off for Laos at 1830. Laos is the biggest mistake of my life.

7 March 2006 2150hrs Dalat City, Vietnam

Today is the first day in years I’m on a bike again, I rode into the sand and my bike flipped. No injury, but a group of little village girls where passing by and laughging out loud at me, unable to contain their laughter. My pride is instantly reduced to zero; I got up and rode away at top speed.







Reached Liang Biang Hill at the
afternoon, the guy asked to bring
me up for a 100,000VND (about 10SGD. )

Well he can kiss my ass, I told him I’d walk- later as I was making my slow ascent he’d ride up and laugh at me –argh! Today is not my day.

Anyways it’s very quiet it the pine forest.If I was quiet I could hear my own breathing. It was very relaxing to be in such an environment..I finished my book, and walked down.Oops I forgot to mention that the scenery was breathtaking, with waves of mountains surrounding flowerbeds and tea plantations.

Sidetrack:


This was not the life I was accustomed to : working at night-time, people calling me on the phone 24/7 everyday, getting up late, feeling powerless at myself when clients deferred me.

Outside was a new life, and I wanted it, whatever it was.All the indoctrination and make belief that the sacrifice was for financial freedom seemed like a joke now. Before I led a life of passive servitude and self sacrifice because I always put customers before me,Though I always knew I was taken for granted, I didn’t mind, cos I was making a better living than most people.The false sense of security from whatever scraps of wealth foraged only told me one thing: to be financially free was a must, but this was not the way.

Looking at my manager, I actually have nightmares about what I was to become,I actually wake up in cold swear having my boss appear in my dreams.Nobody knew the burden, nobody cared.To everyone I was just a money foraging jackel, my eyes piercing through them to skewer them and take advantage of them.

However whenever they needed someone to do the paperwork and legwork, the least enterprising of all business (because with the number 18002488000 everyone could do it on their own), I suddenly became the handyman for everything.

It’s a lonely road. In the company I had been successful with decorations and promotions, which was futile, as I knew for certain my team was beyond human redemption: a wrong mix of working class workers trying to be independent.

So what does it mean to be financially free? I am financially free now; at least for the next 30 days.I’m free to do most of what my heart desires, mostly to travel long distances and to do art.I think intrinsically, everyone wants to be happy: some desire it passively, others simply wage a war to achieve it.

I still maintain that sound financial planning is a necessity, but not to the point of obsession now.If my good friends’ family members don’t believe a word I say, so be it.If friends want to avoid talking about money cos its sensitive(to which part of their being, I can never imagine) so be it.I’ll still maintain the words I say as they are built on logic and a desire for more intellect in the course of our lives.

Our country was not built on ignorance, yet in all its education and high literacy levels most of our common sense is still very much set back, especially in financial enlightenment.

Back to the town of Dalat. This must be the best best place thus far in my trip.Internet is free, the rooms are basically 3 star standards with TV and hot baths for backpacker guesthouse prices.Dinner was at French restaurant Ngouc du, with 3 course dinners and wine for 5usd.

However, this romantic little town is meant for lovebirds, not for travelling alone…apparently this town is a hotspot for locals to spend their honeymoon. The weather is so nice here-not too cold and never warm-that I might just fall asleep here for a week, taking treks to the jungle and editing my photos.

I’m nearly finishing the book:” survival in the killing fields”. Strongly advisable for anyone of us feeling that your life sucks and your work sucks and your boss does not like you. At approx the time when our parents were out making out and having the time of their lives, these people for 4 yrs between 75-79 were having their children killed, pregnant women having their babies sliced out alive, surviving on leaves, frogs and some rice; and all under the propaganda of some abstract idealism of utopia. It is really very similar to Orwell’s 1984, well, except worse. People were killed for nothing here. As a result all infrastructure including roads, electricity and amnesties are still very backward up to this day.(except for the tourist industry)So it is a sobering thought that I’d have never chanced upon just cooped up in my own work and my own struggle.


The Great and Prospering SP Seelingling

6 March 06 2201hrs Dalat, Central Vietnam Highlands

With great speed and fury I’ve travelled for 6 days hardly stopping to rest, rushing to the sites for photography, and not sensing too much of the city. In a way I knew I didn’t want to sense it since all backpacker ghettos are pretty generic and similar both in prices and things they sell.However It’s good that they all have fruit juice, particularly avocado juice.I’ve drank like 5 cups a nite at 50 cents each- it is known , avocado is a known aphrodisiac. Not that I’ve too much use for that…

Dalat is a pretty little french colonial style town, quiet and tranquil. A sanctuary compared to the streets of Saigon, with Europeans and Blacks hugging on to some viet gals and the noisy raunchy streets, which reminded me of khaosan. Backpacker hell. So I’ve decided to give myself a treat and rest a while here, not that I haven’t been resting all this while, it’s just that I’ve been raging on buses onto the roads non stop and getting up everyday at 6 AM. I take this as a very subtle training for my new life to come:getting up early rushing to work, and closing shop in the evenings.

5march2006 1824 Vietnam time, Ho chi minh city

Reached ho chi minh city at 1400hrs, the road is much much better, and prices are fairer here. At least not as cunning as the khmers, over charging even for a single loaf of bread. Ok so the story goes, I was not very clear about the pol pot regime, so the whole killing field thing just seemed like a huge dusty side show. So I bought an entire historical account of the ideologies and situations in the Indochina wars from the 70s and began to get a clearer view of things.What is this evil, interpreted communism and socialism? I understood from the original manifesto by Marx to be something empowering and spartan in nature. But the nature of the human soul is not what he imagined. Demons of desire and lust for an endless list of things ride us, so the interpretation and implementation is a little different.Apparently the regime destroyed infrastructure to its very core, its aftereffects can still be seen today.

The brief political background:In 1976 people were reclassified as full rights (base) people, candidates, and depositees -- so called because they included most of the new people who had been deposited from the cities into the communes. Depositees were marked for destruction. Their rations were reduced to two bowls of rice soup, or "juk" per day. This led to widespread starvation amongst the depositees.The Khmer Rouge leadership boasted over their radio station that only one or two million people out of the population were needed to build the new agrarian communist utopia. As for the others, as their proverb put it, "if they survive, no gain; if they die, no loss. "Hundreds of thousands of the new people, and later the depositees, were taken out, shackled, to dig their own mass graves. Then the Khmer Rouge soldiers beat them to death with iron bars and hoes or buried them alive. A Khmer Rouge extermination prison directive ordered, "Bullets are not to be wasted."In 1976 people were reclassified as full rights (base) people, candidates, and depositees -- so called because they included most of the new people who had been deposited from the cities into the communes. Depositees were marked for destruction. Their rations were reduced to two bowls of rice soup, or "juk" per day. This led to widespread starvation amongst the depositees.The Khmer Rouge leadership boasted over their radio station that only one or two million people out of the population were needed to build the new agrarian communist utopia. As for the others, as their proverb put it, "if they survive, no gain; if they die, no loss. "Hundreds of thousands of the new people, and later the depositees, were taken out, shackled, to dig their own mass graves. Then the Khmer Rouge soldiers beat them to death with iron bars and hoes or buried them alive. A Khmer Rouge extermination prison directive ordered, "Bullets are not to be wasted."

Property became communal, and education was dispensed at communal schools. Pol Pot's regime was extremely harsh on political dissent and opposition. Torture was widespread. In some instances, throats were slit as prisoners were tied to metal bed frames.Thousands of politicians and bureaucrats accused of association with previous governments were killed, while Phnom Penh was turned into a ghost city with many dying of starvation, illnesses, or execution. Land mines, which Pol Pot praised as his "perfect soldiers," were widely distributed around the countryside. The casualty list from the civil war, Pol Pot's consolidation of power, and the invasion by Vietnam is disputed. Credible Western and Eastern sources [1] put the death toll of the Khmer Rouge at 1.6 millionPol Pot espoused a radically revised variant of Maoism, the so-called "Anka" Doctrine, adapted to Khmer nationalism. Envisaging a perfectly egalitarian agrarianism, the Khmer Rouge favored a completely agrarian society to the point that all modern technological contrivances were banned. Pol Pot was quite the opponent of Soviet orthodoxy. Because he was anti-Soviet, the People's Republic of China considered him preferable to the pro-Vietnamese (therefore pro-Moscow) government. The Western powers took more or less the same line, offering diplomatic support to the Khmer Rouge after they were ousted from power by the Vietnamese in 1979.The discoveries by the centre cause experts to revise upward the estimated number of victims of the Khmer Rouge from 1.7 million to 2.2-2.5 millionHenceforth, highly disturbing, not that pol pot missed his trial appointment, but that a thousand deaths could not yield to compensate for his killings. A visit to the towers of skulls and the torture class rooms at the Toul Sleng S21*not S11 museum and you instantly get the picture. Can you imagine killing children? I can't. Maybe mr pot can, and I imagine now his soul must be grappled by approx. 3million demons in the echelons of vast eternity.

4march2006 2202 Cambodia time, Phnom Pehn , Cambodia Capital

I've just eaten something very very weird, that's a chick embryo inside an egg.Also I've forgotten not to take street ice, and went ahead with soursop ice.Dinner was at my guest house with a breathtaking view to the lake in Phnom Pehn.Things are nowhere cheap here, and people are not like Thai, everyone seems to be wanting to rip your wallet out and vaccuum it dry.So far in my journey I've not really stopped for resting, dwelling not more than a single night in each location.Hence I've covered: Bangkok--Aranya Prathet--Siem Reap--Phnom Pehn in a matter of 4 days. Tommorow will be set for Vietnam. The bus trip to PP city was very exciting. In short somebody in front of our bus was riding on a bike, and attempting to strangle someone in a car also in front.Apparently the bus decided to give chase to the car as well. The driver of the car must not be very popular.In the end our bus screwed up after attempting to block the car's detour route.It's gear box went up.Luckily delay was minimal.Back to PP city. PP city is a very dusty and depressing place to be in, not to mention hot. The highlight of the day was actually dinner by the lake.

Pol Pots dearth angels and poor souls.

Hope they are set free soon

After setting down my stuff at 1400hrs I immediately set out for Cheoung Ek Killing fields, which is 15Klicks away and a ton of dust apart. Throughout the journey even with my scarf on i ended choking on dust, and the end result, CE killing fields is hardly worth it.It is actually a pagoda or shrine with a tower high of skulls. Apart from that its actually nothing except for a few posters and a very rich uncle collecting usd 2 for entry

Children and women killed and recorded at S21

Bed at which men are shackled and beaten to death,

the photo behind depicts one with his skull showing

from the beatings.

Then we're of to Toul Sleng S21 muesuem which is actually very depressing as its used as a premise for torture and deaths of some thousands of khmers.This includes children, mothers with babies, pregnant women and old people.Pol pot obviously has a very twisted notion of state welfare. Apparently he burned all culture and commited genocide against all educated people in ways you can never imagine.Families of teachers doctors and monks are tortured, electrocuted, had their fingers took off with pliers, heads in sewage water,etc.I do not know the rationale for doing this, especially against children.

Anyways, I'd be uploading my photos soon as there's no such service in PP city.Within there'e actually images of the cells, and skulls and torture beds.Not very cheerful to look at, but it makes you realize how trivial our problems of traffic, HDB and people lacking in financial knowledge seem in comparison. It's rather sobering.

Motor riders here HAVE ESP. I've verified it. They actually can sense oncoming traffic and weave in and out.And most people don't get angry at traffic though it's hot it's dusty and aircon is not common in cars here.I really have got to take a rest, perhaps at Dalat at Northern Vietnam Highlands.Not in this dusty city...it's also far too hot to sleep or relax...I take about 5 baths an average each night

3march2006 13:01 Cambodia time, Siem Reap, Cambodia



Angkor Wat,
nun resting on pane of stone window






I've just finished viewing Angkor Wat... which is magnificent only in scale and size....It's very touristy, kind of like the Singapore Zoo except that the animals are missing.I prefer the one that I went last time, which is Ayutthaya in Thailand. It's very similar except this one is bigger.

Ok ok let me tell you how I got here.....First I flew to Bangkok, then went to this Hualamphong Station which is very creepy with many people that look like criminals. Thereafter I thought of going to Thanon Khaosan to stay, thinking its cheaper, but that place has become hell on earth, with decadent ang mos, plus super loud "chiongster" music and the hotels are no longer cheap, starting from 300B (I used to stay for 60B) So I headed back for the station, thinking I might sleep there.

Met this lone jap guy at the station, same plight, whose name is Aki.
So we both stayed there till we realize that the station actually closes at midnite.
We were forced to sit outside, open to the muggers and urchins outside.
One guy tries to chat us up, and I immediately located my


swinging swiss army knife. I manage to cut him short of whatever he's saying, and leave with Aki san. We slept on the floor of a guesthouse which is the "deluxe room" accordingly- but it's 50B. I didnt really sleepso at 5 AM we went off to take the train.The train was v nice and long too, and we quickly find out that hard boiled eggs are the magical food ration on trains. The toilet on train looks like it flushes

outside, but I couldnt find it when I looked out side (while simultaneously flushing) ha ha.Anyways the hell begins when we reach the border town of Aranya Prathet. There I quickly learnt not to speak to anyone till you cross it. Someone tried to overcharge me 200B for filling upmy form as a service for me getting their bus ticket. So I said :" no problem, I'll pay with you together at the counter" and so I refused to pay and there was no payment at the counter.

The bus ride from border town Poipet to Siem Reap is not for everyones taste. In fact if you were from SAF commando unit you'd probably still only half survive the trip. All the roads have no tar on them, and they look like they have been repeatedly bombed. I reached Siem Reap at 11 pm, and found a cheap and quiet Guesthse for 5USD....


Streets of Cambodia

Coming up.......My March backpacking journals of Laos, Thailand, Cambodia and HongKong.....long over due, but nevertheless; the pics are on http://www.flickr.com/photos/ken_millionlightyears_away/tags/travel/

On the Trappings of a Career

The bane of my life came when the day dad went into the discussion of contributing to the family income.Youy see, the interesting about me is that morality and piety is not one of my functions.I function from cold logic when the frail make of irrational emotions do nothing to help but to dramatize simple facts.The fact for me is that I pretty much made out on my own, earning my own keep since 15.Hell, even the bulk of the university fees were paid for by my own bank loan.(By the way, my Mum is in fact receiving monthly disbursements fo that amount, kind of like an annuity.) So imagine the outrage of audacity when he brought up " monthly contributions".Well, in my honest confucian study language, fuck all that piety crap.

The trappings of poor financial blueprinting was that there was always scarcity and a great deal of scrimping and savings on items that mattered to human dignity and subsequently splurging on a 39inch TV.My family has taught me nothing in that aspect.

I am a manifestation of fury and drive in sales.I remember my agent days, when I was in top form, I could close anyone in 30 minutes.Even strangers. Yet my career is mapped by a mixture of my own misjudgement and mismanagement.But one thing I regretted was punting away the bulk of what I earned on the SGX and letting all the glitter get to my head. Heck, I must be one of the youngest in my cohort to drive my own car and making my own business.

Truth is, I liked the thrill and satisfaction of closing. I liked the charm and suaveness required to lull people into the buying impulse. For a while, I was all about that. All my artistic talent was forgotten, or rather adapted to this mode of survival. To achieve this I had to shut out all of the previous perceptions about money and poverty altogether, kind of like in denial.As a result, I spent extravagantly, held myself on a cloud of fantasitical wealthy mode.In retrospect I think true wealth is really less idealistic but heck it doesn't hurt to be outrageous everynow and then.
Only a few people I've met matched up to my levels of drive, truth to speak. I cannot tolerate incompetence, in whatever form.So when I see inefficiency and lack, I try to turn it around to ideas and abundance. At S-bank this was utterly violated as the corporation saw more need to manouveour its people in a merry-go-round-cum- musical-chairs mode rather than to cut through the jargon and get to the core to the business. In AIA people were so at the core of business that it became vulgar and we drew more and more curtains to convince ourselves of the flawed product.

So hell, fuck all the corporate bullshit. I'm here to make my mark. Safe to speak, my competence and knowledge in techniques have matured over the years and I am a shark among fishes.
Put me in the water and I will propel forth with so great a fury of speed that none will be in sight.I am long disillisioned with the stalwarts of organisations; these members are like algae, they appear only to pick up scraps, and when all is in balance they are as good as dead.

Time is gaining on me. I do not believe that I would live forever, and I do not want to retire at 55 with a 42 inch LCD HDTV in front of which I would languish and die. I must swim and I must survive. If this is a race I shall come in with the kings amongst kings.

Today we talk about friends.

Some friends are actually acquaintances, some are good only when you have tied interests, some are amorous candidates whom you call "platonic".But, I'm pretty damn sure each of us have in our hearts one or two buggers whom you thought could last a lifetime.

Mr Edwin Ong XX is one such friend, if I can even call him that at this juncture.We date back a long time, long before my long line of girlfriends and flings.Long before I even knew what was a millionaire and how many zeros were attached to a million.This was a time when I had absolutely no ideals and thought that my electric guitar and my flair for art was my asset.( this eventually dwindled whatever's left of my real savings from young)

Anyways I first sat beside XX in Jan 1993 at class mistakenly thinking it was my seat.That's all I could remember actually and he was into Npcc and I fought my bouts with almost everyone in class(literally) At Hwa Chong, we were there with the controversial LamTian and Haoxiang and prettty much no one else.. so naturally we chatted and studied together. I saw that the canoe team was a good way to start training so I started to train with em.

Through the years, we have changed and drifted apart. What drew sadness was that I was holding on to the past that the aspirations, drive, desire and lust for life which I still hold dear,
has become a sort of taboo to him (and zhanxiong). These two fuckers need stability, constance and passiveness to feed their souls with.Therefore at this moment, time has cut us apart.And I am in the present. Nothing has changed in me, but the influences and trash all around is always building up.

Ok this is me.
This is rather a weird place to be writing about my life yet when you look at stuff like xiaxue.blogspot.com,
I begin to realise how seriously out of place I am with hot trends and what's in (not so nice being in the what's-old-and-out Catergory) Well,I've had my fun before, so time for the kids to have theirs...Yea,Rite!~not so keen to grow old so soon. Anyways I just realised growing up and making lots of $$$ only to lose it twice as fast is not so fun after all...I'll just keep track, one memory a time, and hopefully this canvas will be beautiful.*winks*

CrossRoads...again~